Is Self-Confidence the Key to a Happy Sexual Life?

Is Self-Confidence the Key to a Happy Sexual Life?

Sex is what keeps the world turning. Literally. It also causes your inner world to spin in circles, upside down and right side up. So, strap in. In all seriousness, your sexual life is one of the most important ways for you to find pleasure, connection, and fulfillment in your life. But it isn’t always that simple. There are numerous factors that can influence your sexual life and how you relate to your sexuality. One of the most essential factors is your self-esteem. When you’re intimate with someone or yourself, your internal processes, dialogue, and feelings towards yourself all come to the surface. All of these things contribute to your self-esteem. This, in turn, influences your sex life and how fulfilling it is.

How Confidence Affects Sexual Attraction

It may appear obvious, but sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to see what’s underneath, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. So, how does self-esteem affect your sexual life? There are numerous ways, but here are a few that come to mind. When you aren’t confident in yourself, you may notice that you shut down a little. You may not express yourself in bed, say what’s on your mind, or vocalize your needs and desires.

A part of you might be afraid of being rejected, judged, or shot down. When your confidence is low, you may not only have difficulty expressing what you want, but you may also be out of touch with what makes you feel good. You go through the motions of your sex life, unsure of how to change things up. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re not fully present. Confidence is one of those things that you don’t realize you don’t have until you build it. Then you begin to notice the small and large ways you may have been concealing yourself and how this has affected your sex life.

It’s not just about communicating and hiding your emotions; low self-esteem can make you want to hide physically as well. This can prevent you from trying new sex positions, kinks, or other things. You might not be able to express yourself as freely as you would like. Sex and self-esteem are inextricably linked. Increased self-confidence can lead to better sex, but fulfilling sex can also boost your confidence.

What Matters Is What Is on the Inside

It may sound cliche, but what’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside. Confidence does not come from changing your appearance, hair removal, or makeup. It is an inner state of reverence and love for yourself that can only be fully realized through inner work. Although having your lashes done or washing your hair may make you feel better about yourself, self-confidence is a reflection of your mental health and how you feel about yourself overall.

Increasing Your Self-Confidence for Better Sex

Do you have an itch to become a more authentic, aligned, and confident version of yourself? You are not alone in this. We’ve got some pointers to help you boost your self-esteem for better sex and a better life.

  • Physical activity. This increases endorphins and other happy hormones, which give you energy and help you feel at ease in your body and mind.
  • Writing things out that are clogging up your mind helps to clear the way for new things to enter. When you journal, you can reflect on any negative thought patterns you have about yourself and help to reframe them.
  • Masturbation, One of the best ways to reconnect with yourself and your needs before having sex with a partner is to practice self-love. It can flood you with hormones that make you feel better and remind you of your ability to bring pleasure into your life.
  • Positive relationships. These are essential for feeling good about yourself. And not just romantic ones. Your relationships with friends, family, pets, and plants all help to reflect back to you how incredible you are. It doesn’t take much; even a couple of trustworthy friends can assist you in remembering how to be vulnerable and communicate.
  • We occasionally require outside assistance. If you need an objective opinion on something in your life or assistance learning new coping mechanisms, it may be a good idea to seek out a mental health provider.

Everyone fluctuates. There are times when our faith wavers; this does not make you a failure—it makes you human. It’s normal to feel down or not feel like your best self at times. The best thing you can do is tell your partner about it. That vulnerability can give you a boost and make you feel better. Don’t forget that you’re beautiful on the inside and out!

Four Advantages of Sharing Erotica with a Partner

Four Advantages of Sharing Erotica with a Partner

Any sexually explicit literary or artistic work is considered “erotica.” It can be a useful tool for exploring sexual interests either alone or with a partner or partners. Erotica can be a book, a short story, an audio clip, a drawing, or anything else. Whatever you’re into, erotica is a part of it. Sharing erotica with a partner has several advantages aside from being a fun addition to masturbation. Erotica can:

  • Teach you what excites you and your partner. Whatever your sexual interests are, erotica is a great way to expand your imagination about what pleasure looks like for you. Furthermore, if you find it difficult to talk about what you like in bed, you can share a piece of erotica to explain what you mean.
  • Increase sexual and emotional intimacy. Sharing sexual desires is a risky act. One of the best ways to foster emotional intimacy and connection with your partner(s) is to be vulnerable with them.
  • Provide motivation. Whether you’re still in the honeymoon phase with your partner(s) or have been together for years, there’s always room to improve your sex life. Perhaps you have a fantasy you’d like to act out or a fetish you’d like to try; it may be difficult to find and share the words to describe your sexual fantasies and interests, which is where having an exemplar comes in handy. Sharing erotica that resonated with you with your partner(s) provides valuable insight into what you like in bed.
  • Normalize the effect of erotica on arousal. Unfortunately, we have all been socially conditioned to regard sexuality as taboo, even if our individual values do not support that label. This means that even if you understand logically that sexual desire is not shameful, it can be difficult to share something you’ve been conditioned to keep private, such as a piece of erotica you enjoy. The more you discuss it with your partner, the more normal it will feel.

Sources to Share

Erotica is an excellent tool to use in your relationship (s). If you want to learn more about erotica, check out the resources listed below. Enjoy your reading, listening, and sharing!

Breast Orgasms Are Titillating

Breast Orgasms Are Titillating

It’s a lot of fun to be in a human body—one that can provide pleasure, connection, and, of course, orgasms. Your sex life is a place for experimentation and new experiences. Most people believe that female bodies can only orgasm via vulvar or vaginal stimulation, but we’re here to prove them wrong. While the scientific jury is still out on this, many people have self-reported having various types of orgasms. They experience them in their clitoris, g-spot, cervix, anus, and even their breasts. Orgasms in the breast? You must have heard us. Some claim to be able to orgasm solely through breast stimulation. If you’re stuck in an orgasm rut or want to branch out in your sex life, it might be time to investigate the world of breast orgasms. How exciting! Orgasms from various parts of the body can feel very different. People who have had nipple or breast orgasms often describe them as powerful waves that sneak up on them slowly and then explode.

Exploring Breast Orgasms

People who have breast orgasms usually get them from nipple stimulation. Your nipples, like your clitoris and vagina, are major erogenous zones or areas that stimulate sexual desire. The nipples, like your genitals, are full of nerve endings—the same nerve endings that help you have clitoral orgasms. When these nerve endings fire, they send signals to the genital sensory cortex, telling it that it’s time to wake up. MRIs have revealed that clitoral and nipple stimulation stimulates the same area of the brain. Of course, everything is interconnected! If you have sensitive nipples, you’ve probably been turned on by having them rubbed, sucked on, twisted, or whatever tickles your fancy. What if you took it a step further and got to the big-O solely through nipple play? Set the mood as you would before engaging in other sexual activities. Whatever that means for you and your partner – taking a bath (possibly together), dimming the lights, massage, dirty talk, whatever. Allow yourself to relax and stimulate your mind by fantasizing, watching, or listening to porn if that is your thing.

Some experts believe that by stimulating different areas of your body, you can train your brain to orgasm. For example, you could orgasm normally by stimulating yourself through your clitoris. You would also stimulate your breasts at the same time. You stop stimulating your clitoris but continue to stimulate your breasts right before you orgasm. Their theory is that by using this method, you can train yourself to orgasm from different parts of your body over time.

It may not be comfortable for everyone, but you can try using toys as a vibrator on your breasts and nipples. Some manufacturers create toys specifically for nipple stimulation. Toys aren’t the only tools at your disposal; try a body oil or lube to help things slip and slide. You can even try ice to add a thrilling new sensation to the mix. Slow down and concentrate on your breathing. The deeper the sensations you can feel, the more you can tap into your breath. Experiment with various techniques and sensations. Squeeze and massage your breasts, and draw lines over your areolas. If you have a partner, have them experiment with their mouth and tongue by nibbling, sucking, and biting them. When you’re really aroused, you can increase the speed and sensation over the actual nipple, possibly even pinching them. Having a breast orgasm may be easier during your period or even during pregnancy when your nipples are more engorged and sensitive. Just be gentle!

Show Off Your Best Breast

As with many new sexual arenas, it is sometimes preferable to explore nipple orgasms alone during solo sex before involving a partner. You’ll be able to tell them exactly what you want and how they can get you to the tipping point. Breast orgasms are not limited to female-bodied individuals. Cis-men and people born with penises can also experiment with nipple stimulation and have nipple orgasms. While it’s fun to experiment with different types of pleasure and sensation, remember to ease up on yourself. Your sex life is not a place for perfectionism; it is a place for connection and feeling great in your own skin.

Experiment with breast stimulation without any hurry or goal in mind. Take your attention away from orgasms and focus on the extraordinary sensations you’re having in your body. It can take some time to get used to a nipple orgasm, especially if it’s your first time. Allow yourself 20 to 30 minutes of exploration time. There’s no need to rush. Remember to take your time, be gentle (or not), have fun, and enjoy yourself!

What Is Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder?

What Is Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder?

Things normally happen in a specific order in the bedroom. What you feel, see, smell, touch, and hear makes you sexually aroused. Physical changes occur as a result of your body’s response. You usually become mentally excited as well.

But what about when, for no apparent reason, you become aroused? Nothing triggers your sexual feelings or sensors, yet you become excited and even have an orgasm. These changes can be frustrating and long-term and are known as persistent genital arousal disorder.

What Is Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder?

Persistent general arousal disorder (PGAD) is uncommon. It’s also known as a restless genital syndrome. Women are almost exclusively affected—only a few cases in men have been reported.

Other arousal disorders stem from a difficulty to be stimulated. With PGAD, you are constantly and abruptly excited. You have no control over your arousal. Even if you force yourself to have an orgasm, the feelings will return quickly.

Persistent genital arousal disorder is distinct from hypersexuality, which consists of y obsessing over sex or struggling to control your sexual behavior. With PGAD, you are aroused even when you’re not thinking about sex.

Symptoms

Sexual arousal usually necessitates the activation of your senses. You feel, hear, or see things that make you happy. However, with PGAD, you become aroused even when nothing is triggering your desire.

Arousal is characterized by increased blood flow to the genital area, which causes the clitoris to swell and the genital area to throb and pound. Vaginal secretions rise as well. The symptoms can last for hours, days, or weeks.

An orgasm can provide temporary relief, but the symptoms quickly return. The spasms can be so intense that it can be difficult to sit down or concentrate. You may also experience pain in your pelvis, buttocks, or legs. Other PGAD symptoms include:

  • Genital pain and discomfort
  • A tingling clitoris
  • Vaginal contractions and lubrication

The condition, like any sexual issue, can be upsetting. Relationships may suffer as a result. You may be too embarrassed to discuss it with your doctors. This can also result in depression and anxiety.

Causes

Doctors are still trying to figure out the possible causes of PGAD. It has been associated with:

  • Stress and/or other psychological issues
  • Side effects of medications, such as antidepressants
  • Infections of the genitalia
  • Pelvic problems
  • Hormonal changes, including the discontinuation or restart of hormone therapy after menopause

Recent research suggests that nerves may be involved. Several women with the condition were found to have cysts (fluid-filled sacs) on their nerves near the base of their spine in one study. Another had a herniated disc, and another had a spinal cord defect.

Diagnosis

Your doctor will perform a physical examination as well as a psychological evaluation. They will ask you about your medical and sexual history, as well as your symptoms.

Hormone levels in your blood will usually be tested. You will almost certainly be subjected to a special test that measures blood flow to your genitals before and after you’ve been aroused. A tampon-sized device that uses light to detect the amount of blood circulating inside your vaginal wall is one way your doctor might do this.

You may also undergo tests such as an EEG, CT scan, or MRI to rule out any neurological issues that may be causing your symptoms. The doctor will examine you for conditions such as epilepsy, Tourette’s syndrome, restless legs syndrome, and overactive bladder.

The criteria for a PGAD diagnosis includes:

  • Feeling physical sensations of sexual arousal (increased blood flow and pressure in genitals) but without desire
  • Feeling the onset of symptoms because of a sexual trigger, a non-sexual trigger, or no trigger
  • Experiencing arousal symptoms in genitals for several hours or days without relief
  • Symptoms that do not resolve after one or even multiple orgasms
  • Experiencing distress because of the symptoms

Treatment

Your doctor will treat you if a specific cause can be identified. For example, you may require cyst removal or discontinuation of a medication that is causing your symptoms. If they are unsure of the exact cause, they will concentrate on treating your symptoms.

Treatment options for PGAD include:

  • Massage of the groin
  • Cognitive therapy based on mindfulness
  • Biofeedback
  • Treatment for anxiety, including therapy and antidepressants
  • Numbing creams for the skin
  • Ice cubes or ice baths
  • Acupressure
  • Medication for pain
  • Relaxants for the muscles
  • Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation (TENS) unit
  • Medication to prevent seizures

Outlook

Doctors are continuing to work to understand more about the causes of PGAD and the treatments for the disorder. Sometimes just getting a diagnosis and knowing that your condition has a name can alleviate stress and uncertainty. Collaborating with your doctor is the first step toward symptom relief and determining the cause.

What is Premature Ejaculation?

What is Premature Ejaculation?

Definitions, Causes, and Treatments

Ejaculation is something that many of us take for granted—when we have sex, most of us assume ejaculation is a given. We also believe that we have control over when we ejaculate. However, this is not always the case.

Ejaculatory dysfunction is one of the most difficult sexual problems in men’s health because there are a variety of ejaculatory issues. Men occasionally ejaculate too early or quickly, a condition known as premature ejaculation or PE. It will be the subject of the following discussion. The other issues include taking too long to ejaculate or not being able to ejaculate at all. These problems are known as delayed ejaculation and anejaculation. Some men experience pain when ejaculating, and others ejaculate backward (a condition called retrograde ejaculation).

Premature ejaculation is the most common male sexual dysfunction but receives far less attention and resources than erectile dysfunction (ED). We have spent a lot of time writing about erections and what to do if you have ED on this blog. But what about all the guys out there who are suffering from premature ejaculation?

We know very little about PE as a medical community. Why does it affect certain men but not others? Why do some people have it from birth while others develop it later in life? Is it more likely that PE is caused by biological or psychological factors? These are just a few of the many questions about PE that remain unanswered.

While there is still much to learn, what follows is a primer on premature ejaculation. We’ll talk about how to tell if you have PE and how to overcome it if you do.

Background

Before we get started, let’s clear up some myths about premature ejaculation. Assessments of how common it is vary, but it is estimated that up to 30% of men will experience PE at some point in their lives (Carson 2006). PE is frequently thought to be a condition that only affects young, inexperienced men, like some of the scenes from the film American Pie. But in reality, that is not the case—premature ejaculation can occur at any age. In fact, the prevalence of PE is fairly consistent across all age groups (Rosen 2004).

Secondly, men frequently overestimate what is normal when it comes to ejaculation. In an observational study of 1,500 men and their partners, half of the men ejaculated in less than 7.3 minutes (Patrick 2005). Furthermore, the average time to ejaculate is less than 10 minutes (Patrick 2005). Patients who come to see me frequently believe they have a problem if they cannot last 15-20 minutes or more as they see in movies, and that is simply not realistic.

Finally, ejaculation is difficult. As I mentioned at the outset, we take cumming for granted, but it is a complex process governed by the central nervous system. Signals from your genitals are sent to your brain via the spinal cord when you are aroused. When your arousal level reaches a certain point, your brain sends a signal back to your genitals that says, “Time to shoot!”

And that’s when things get complicated.

Ejaculation has two stages: emission and expulsion. Emission occurs when semen (a complex fluid composed of sperm and other fluids) is deposited in the urethra. This process involves the entire genital tract, from your testicles to your prostate, and occurs only after the bladder neck is closed. When sperm enters the urethra, it can be expelled. Expulsion is the forceful contraction of muscles at the base of the penis that allows semen to shoot out. This entire ejaculatory dance is usually accompanied by orgasm, a climax of sexual excitement and pleasure.

PE Defined

PE is recognized by ejaculation that occurs prior to or within one minute of penetration, or by the inability to delay ejaculation during all or most penetrative sex acts. To be classified as PE, the ejaculatory problem must result in negative or unpleasant personal consequences such as distress, frustration, and/or avoidance of sexual intimacy (Althof 2014).

Types of PE

There are two types of premature ejaculation: congenital and acquired. People with the congenital version have always had difficulty controlling their ejaculation, even from their first masturbation attempts. Men with the acquired kind go through a period of normalcy before suddenly or gradually losing the ability to delay or control their ejaculation. Both types can be distressing and have a negative impact on a man’s self-esteem, as well as cause problems in his romantic/sexual relationships.

PE can also be situational or generalized. The term “generalized PE” implies that the issue exists in the majority, if not all, types of sexual activity. Although the definition of PE implies intercourse, many people ejaculate excessively in response to other types of stimulation. Situational PE refers to a problem that only occurs with certain types of activity. Some people, for example, only have PE with partners but report normal ejaculatory function when alone and pleasuring themselves.

Before we get into the causes of PE, it is worth noting the connection between PE and erectile dysfunction. PE is frequently seen in men who also have ED. If premature ejaculation began after the person’s erection problem, we usually go to the ED first. Premature ejaculation is often no longer an issue once the person’s ED is corrected.

Causes of PE

As I previously stated, we still don’t know much about PE, including the exact cause. What we do know is that Serotonin is thought to play an important role in PE. A chemical that is produced and secreted by certain types of nerves in the brain, Serotonin is also the target molecule for many medications used to treat depression and anxiety. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) treat depression by preventing serotonin from leaving a neuronal synapse. Essentially, they cause a buildup of serotonin in the brain. This can improve your mood but is not ideal for ejaculation (this will become important later when we discuss treatments). Low serotonin levels, on the other hand, can hasten ejaculation and, in some cases, lead to PE.

Another physiological factor that is frequently overlooked is the role of the pelvic floor muscles. As previously stated, emission necessitates the forceful contraction of specific muscles. These muscles are part of the pelvic floor and are not usually under conscious control. People who have dysfunction (tightness, spasm, etc.) in these muscles may ejaculate too quickly.

Psychological factors are also common in people who struggle with premature ejaculation. Depression, anxiety, stress, feelings of guilt or shame, unrealistic expectations about sexual performance, a history of sexual abuse, negative socio-cultural beliefs about sex, lack of confidence, and relationship issues are examples. Addressing any potentially confounding psychological variables is critical in helping to manage PE.

Diagnosis

People, in my experience, are often uncomfortable discussing PE during a doctor’s visit. Many men are unaware that there are safe and effective treatments available to help them improve their ejaculatory control. If ejaculation feels out of control, and especially if it is interfering with you or your partner’s sexual pleasure, speak up. We usually diagnose PE based on the history and a physical exam. Lab tests are rarely required to make a diagnosis. We also do not expect you to use a stopwatch in bed.

treatmentTreatment

There are various approaches to treating premature ejaculation. Some treatments rely on behavioral techniques, while others attempt to disrupt the signal between our brain and our genitals. Sometimes treatment entails psychological counselling, while other times it entails medication.

Psychological therapy assists in addressing feelings, emotions, and anxiety that can lead to sexual performance issues, such as premature ejaculation. Couples dealing with ejaculatory dysfunction can benefit from therapy as well. Trained sex therapists can help their clients identify behaviors that may be causing their lack of ejaculatory control.

Some behavioral techniques have been used to aid in the improvement of PE. The squeeze method entails firmly squeezing the penis just before ejaculation to cause a partial loss of erection. The goal of this method is to make you more aware of the sensations that lead up to the climax. The start-stop technique does exactly what it says: you or your partner stop all sexual activity just before the climax. If ejaculation is not possible, you begin stimulating the penis again, repeating the start-stop process three times. While these behavioral techniques are relatively simple to implement, there haven’t been many studies demonstrating their effectiveness.

In some cases, attempting to reduce penile sensitivity in order to reduce premature ejaculation can be beneficial. This can include using a condom or a topical anesthetic spray 5-10 minutes before sex. These options may be difficult for younger patients and single men, and they may interfere with intimacy or limit spontaneity with new partners. Fortunately, there are other options.

Because there are no FDA-approved medications to treat PE, everything we will discuss here is considered “off-label.” A class of drugs known as SSRIs is a commonly prescribed treatment for PE. As previously stated, these are commonly used to treat depression and anxiety. One of the most common SSRI side effects is delayed ejaculation. So, in patients with PE, we take advantage of this side effect. These medications have been studied and used both on-demand (just before sexual activity) and as daily treatments, and both have been shown to be effective.

If PE coexists with erectile dysfunction, phosphodiesterase-5 inhibitors (such as Viagra, Cialis, and others) can be beneficial. Tramadol, a pain reliever, is another commonly used treatment. This treatment is typically used on an as-needed basis. essentially dampening the brain’s processing of the genital stimulation that causes PE. Additional treatments, such as Botox injections, are being researched and are considered experimental. Finally, for the reasons stated previously, pelvic floor physical therapy is another non-medical approach that can be beneficial in PE.

Concluding Thoughts

Premature ejaculation is a more common issue than erectile dysfunction. It is also a sexual dysfunction that is associated with a great deal of shame and embarrassment. If you have a feeling that your ejaculatory control is not as good as it could be, talk to your doctor about it. While there is no single solution to this problem, there are several treatment options to consider.