Masturbation and partnered sex each have their distinct appeals but did you know you can combine the two and mutually masturbate with your partner(s)? Mutual masturbation is the practice of two (or more) people masturbating in each other’s presence, either via video call or in the same room.
Some advantages of mutual masturbation include learning more about how your partner(s) prefer to be touched, being able to simultaneously orgasm, and the fact that it is nearly impossible to become pregnant or contract an STI. If you want to give it a shot, here are some suggestions for good positions when you’re together in person. You can also incorporate sex toys to take it to the next level, whether you’re in the same room or not. Another enjoyable way to structure your mutual masturbation is to watch porn together; this has the added benefit of sharing sexual interests by sharing your favorite porn.
Mutual masturbation can be a fun way to mix up your sex and masturbation routines, but it also has drawbacks. Many people struggle with performance anxiety when they try mutual masturbation. Masturbation is a vulnerable act typically performed alone, so it may take some adjusting to enjoy it in the company of another person.
Performance anxiety can occur in any type of sex, but mutual masturbation is particularly frightening for many people. Beyond the societally ingrained shame associated with enjoying sexual acts, being able to truly lean into and enjoy masturbating in front of others necessitates becoming comfortable with the intense vulnerability it implies. First and foremost, sit down with your partner(s) and lay out everyone’s concerns and insecurities on the table. The act of sharing these vulnerable thoughts can help you feel more at ease with the concept. One tangible step to combating performance anxiety is to have your partner and/or yourself wear a blindfold or turn off the lights. Another important way to relieve stress is not to expect an orgasm; it’s far more fruitful to focus on the pleasurable sensations and being in the moment—if an orgasm occurs, it’s a happy bonus. If you have trouble staying in the moment, read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are to learn about sexual mindfulness.
And at last, mutual masturbation is another form of sexual collaboration with your partner(s), and it has the potential to bring you closer together, learn more about each other’s sexual likes and interests, and, over time, reduce sexual performance anxiety. As with any kind of sex, there is no right or wrong way to mutually masturbate as long as everyone is consenting and having a good time.